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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.