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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.