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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

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That's a mold-breaker. Great thinking!

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.