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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

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