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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

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Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

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