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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.