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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

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The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.